To Return Again After

I had returned at least once before. This time it was a shock, for part of the town had gone and they had put something else there in its place. I remember vaguely a shadowy image of a car park. Again, without going back, I’m not sure what it would look like today.

I set out to explore the town that last term, the academic folly of my existence for the past four years painfully apparent to me then. That I set out with some vague hope in my heart, only to leave rather broken, was the plain truth of those four years at university.

I subsisted on a diet of pizza and sandwiches for some time there, there was a packed lunch to pick up in the morning and then off to the pizzeria in the evening. So it made sense to start to find out about the rest of the menu in the restaurants in town. I must admit, in the summer, the town had that quality of paradise, lush hills and valleys, woods, a winding river, playing fields, even a polo ground. In the halo of tranquillity that the trees provided by the river, snaking its way around the town, I had roamed along the path, capturing the essence of the atmosphere of the time in my memory. Unfortunately, I developed a habit then of listening to loud rock music in earphones as I went along, of which such a habit would later find me in bouts of dizziness induced by such abuse.

On the return, the summer light in town was as beautiful as ever. And on the summer solstice, the restaurant on the bank of the river overlooking it was as nice and cheerful as I remembered. The town, as I knew full well, depended on the university, its staff, its lecturers and tutors, and undergraduates, and past students, without them the town could not survive in its bustling cafes and restaurants, busy trade stalls way.

I’m sure I was there at the university’s peak, not only in undergraduate numbers, but also in the public consciousness. Its reputation of the time survives in various pieces on the internet, as any cursory search on any search engine would find.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Eight

And Jessica met him again, the first time after it had all happened. It was Sunday after lunch. She had just come back from the village a mile away and was about to enter the main building.

She had no regrets. She certainly didn’t blame him for what happened. He was nice, excited about life, and obviously liked her. He seemed young, even for a fifteen year old.

He spoke first. “All right, Jessica.”

“Hi. Nice to see you again. You okay?”

“Yes. I’m good. I’m glad you’re not in trouble.”

“No trouble at all. Carry on as normal. See you later.”

Jessica passed into the building.

She mused on what had happened. In a few months, she would be gone. She often wondered about the last day of school, what she would feel passing through the gates in her father’s car on the way home. She wanted to remember clearly what this time was, to capture the atmosphere of the school as it was now. Overall, it was a happy time in her life. She felt little pressure here, academic or otherwise. She had friends.

On her way upstairs, she was met by Sally, who had a big grin on her face.

“Did you see him? He was waiting at the front door for an hour!”

Jessica had to laugh.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Seven

Jessica walked into the classroom for Year 10 prep. All of the girls were there.

What was prep all about? There was very little formal work demanded for class. A House Prefect supervised one hour of study for juniors at night.

Sally spoke up, “So tell us what happened, Jessica.”

A few girls giggled.

“Nothing happened,” Jessica said.

“It couldn’t have been nothing. You were nearly expelled weren’t you? That’s what everyone says.”

“I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

“Go on.”

“I’m not talking about it.”

More giggles. The noise level rose until the door opened. The Housemistress looked round the room and then left.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Two

Jessica crashed through the swing doors through to the school noticeboard hall. She was running an errand for the Latin Mistress, who was Deputy Housemistress. It was bright here and the bank of noticeboards ran along two sides of the hall.

A girl of little over five feet but of rank and stature in the school hierarchy obvious from the admiring looks from both the boys and girls gathered around her and the passing master on his way to the Staff Room, dominated the hall. She had long blonde hair to her waist and wore a ribbon tied behind.

She focused on the boy, who was engaged in talking to a senior girl beside him. She teased. “What are you doing tonight?”

“I’ve got prep. Maybe something afterwards,” he said.

By this time Jessica had gone, on her way to the English classroom. And the boy followed in her direction.

In the classroom, Jessica knocked on the open door. And faced the English Master. “There’s a message for you.” She delivered the piece of paper onto his desk.

“What else is going on?” the English Master asked.

“I have to take prep tonight. And I need to work on my translation.”

“Why don’t you cover the material soon? There will be no time in the summer term.”

“That’s a good idea. But there might be a school trip half term. And I’ve got a ton of other prep to do in the meantime. Just in case, I’ll read ahead. Thank you.”

With that, he waved her off, and smiled.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Three

He smiled at Julie, who was walking with another Year 13 girl back to the House. He thought about following them but was distracted by two other boys arguing by the noticeboard.

Jessica appeared. “All right,” she said as she passed him.

“Where are you going?” he asked. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure, yes.” But Jessica didn’t stop.

He walked behind her, following her all the way to the House. Inside, three girls stared as they saw the pair walk past the common room.

Jessica opened the door to her room.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Six

Jessica waved goodbye to the Nurse. Outside it was raining, and the cold wind against her face a shock, after four days spent in warm comfort.

Before she could reach her room, she was met by the Housemistress. Jessica knew it wasn’t over with yet.

“I’ve spoken to your parents. They feel you should return home for a period of time. But your father, who I just spoke to, is willing to let you decide.”

Jessica found it hard to meet her gaze. “I’ll stay.”

“What to do about questions? I know they’ll ask, especially the junior girls. You mustn’t talk about this to anyone.” The Housemistress looked down. “If you stay, I think that will be for the best.”

“Thank you,” Jessica said.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Nine

Jessica walked out of the examination room with a sense of relief.

In her room, she idly played with the radio. Jessica turned it off, and left quickly. In the evening, she would be expected to say something to the House.

She reflected on the irony of the situation. Now she was to attend Speech Day, and remain until the very last day of the summer term, surrounded by juniors.

Sally approached with her friend.

“All right?” Jessica smiled briefly.

“Hi, Jessica.” Sally didn’t stop and Jessica turned to follow them to the TV room.

Inside, a mix of juniors and seniors sat staring at the television. Sally started discussing something with her friend, who was in the same year. Nobody was sure about what. Jessica sat down. What was Sally talking about?

The door opened. The Housemistress appeared.

“Jessica? Can I have a word?”

Jessica nodded and left.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Five

Jessica got up. Felt weak.

After breakfast, and medicine, she wandered around the building. The only one there apart from the Nurse, there was nothing to do except watch television and read.

She returned to the bedroom. Out of the window, the boys were walking to their Houses.

She stared at the main building, looking for a face to appear at the window. Then the boys were gone. The school seemed enveloped in silence.

Jessica sat with the television on. She heard voices from below, and stood up. At the door, she saw a boy quickly leave. Jessica waited. Then the Nurse came up the stairs.

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Miss Prefect Chapter Four

“You’re to see the Headmistress first thing tomorrow morning.” With that the Housemistress turned away and left Jessica in a cloud of embarrassment.

In the Headmistress’s office, Jessica sat down. “What happened last night in the dormitory in your room…” The Headmistress paused. “Let me explain that we regard the rules very seriously,” she said. A long silence.

“I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong,” Jessica said. “He only came to my room for an hour.” She looked directly at the Headmistress.

“I’m going to speak to your parents. I think it best if you left quietly. We’ll allow you to sit the exams in June here, of course.”

“Thank you.” Jessica got up and left.

After the door closed, the Headmistress started dialling. And then hung up.

Jessica thought about returning to her room but was caught in the corridor by Sally, a junior in her House.

“Jessica, what happened?”

Jessica stopped. “I had to speak to the Headmistress.” She focused on Sally’s skirt. Again wondering where she found regulation skirts so tight.

“You’re not going to say?” Sally went on. “Well, if you’re not going to say, what about the other one?”

“I don’t know,” Jessica replied. “Are you going back?”

“What is… something to do?” Sally asked.

“Let’s go to the TV room.” Jessica said. And then followed Sally up the stairs to the dormitory.

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Miss Prefect Chapter One

It seemed to Jessica there were two types of people at school. Most were the first type, ambitious, people who seemed they had a grand vision of how their future lives would be. They had a plan. Jessica counted herself in the second group, people who had no idea. Even though academically she did very well, and perhaps others thought she would go on to achieve some success, she herself secretly had no great ambitions, and only hoped that life would not be too difficult.

It was somewhat of a mystery, even to Jessica herself, how her life had ended up as it had. By the age of seventeen, she had already lived in three countries, gained a stepmother and a stepfather, and known friends in her early childhood whom she realized she would probably never see again. Though she had no real conception of her future self when she was younger, she did not expect so much to have changed, that life would be so unpredictable.

Sometimes she envied other girls at school, whose parents hadn’t divorced, who seemed they came from happy, stable families. She felt her own parents’ unhappy marriages had killed any notions of romantic love she might have had. Unfairly or not, she often judged other girls as hopelessly naive when they talked of boys and love and marriage.

However, she had become good friends with Michael, who was now Head Boy, the year before. She herself had been made a school prefect, much to her own surprise, for she wasn’t good at games and didn’t really participate in many extracurricular activities, which seemed to be prerequisites.

The school was originally a boys’ boarding school in Victorian times. As it had expanded, it had come to admit day pupils, and finally, girls. Her father had thought it best, as the family disintegrated, that she become a boarder and that school would provide a stability he could not give her.

It was the first night back. Now early September, it still seemed summer but the beech leaves outside were already beginning to change to golden brown. Classes did not start until the next day but boarders were due back early. Jessica had arrived around three in the afternoon. Her father was a maniac about always being early and therefore Jessica was always one of the first to arrive back at school. She had walked to her new room and felt the usual sadness. This would pass once everyone had arrived.

As a House Prefect, she was expected to attend the new juniors’ tea at the Housemistress’s house at half past four. These were the Year 9 girls who would be entering the House this year. Jessica had finished unpacking and was about to make her way to the Housemistress’s wing when there was a rapid knocking on the door.

It burst open and Jessica’s friend, Julie, came in. She was enough of a likeness to Jessica that they could be mistaken for sisters, and both had long, straight hair to the waist, but whereas Jessica’s was a pale blonde, Julie’s hair was even lighter, a platinum white.

They had first met when they were both eleven at their previous school. Perhaps then they seemed more different but six years together had blended somewhat their personalities and the way they spoke. They had several things in common, both lived abroad, were in dread fear of their stepmothers during the holidays, and both were academically able. But that is not to say they were the same. It was like many friendships at school, their relationship was something of a mutual admiration society.

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